In my meditation, I saw a field of purple flowers, and I heard the name, "Heather". I understand this message as a reminder that I used to hate my name, and that I have come to, not only accept, but actually like my name now.
Erica is the Latin name for Heather, which is a pretty pink or purple flower that grows in the northern regions of Europe and North America. Erika is the German name for Heather, and I was named after my aunt, who was born in Germany.
Growing up, people would always compliment me, saying what a beautiful name I had. I would say 'thank you', but I never believed it for myself. I think that had more to do with not loving myself and not allowing myself to receive kindness and love from others. Maybe my dislike of my given name was an unconscious form of protest against my parents, who after all, didn't ask me if I want to be called Erika.
When I finally left the toxic environment I lived in at the age of 49, I moved to England to get my graduate degree. I decided that right from the start, I was going to go by the name of Heather (basically the English translation of Erika), which I did for two years. At first it was oddly exhilarating to finally go by a name that I liked. But, soon I got tired of it.
So, when I moved back to California, I decided to go back to my old name, which, after marrying for the second time, had added a pretty last name. I was now Erika Marie Rose. Although the marriage didn't last, I am grateful for the last name, which, after adding my middle name to the mix, seems to make the whole name complete.
I love my name now, and the funny thing is that when I meet people for the first time, they often remember just my last name and call me Rose. :)
© Erika Marie Rose and Good Vibes, 2019