Sometimes I feel disempowered and doubt myself, even in situations where I know what I'm doing. I second guess my actions and speech and play the situation over and over in my head thinking I might have said or done something wrong.
I am aware that this means I have a weak spot in my solar plexus chakra. I know why, too. It's because of the way I grew up. Although I continually strive to bring healing to my self-confidence and self-empowerment, it is still an ongoing process, as I remove the layers of conditioning from the proverbial onion.
The solar plexus, or manipura, is the center of our self-confidence. When this energy center is out of balance and weak, we can feel disempowered and doubt ourselves.
My lack of self-confidence stems from when I was growing up. My family moved twenty times before I was eighteen, and I attended ten different schools. Sometimes, I would have to switch schools in the middle of the school year, and it was tough for me to be the new kid in a new neighborhood, not knowing anybody. I was teased a lot as a child, especially in grades 4-6 because I was a little chubby then. So, I didn't have many friends, and I felt like I didn't belong.
I think that is a big reason why I sometimes doubt myself, even to this day. There are times when I feel like people don't accept me the way I am, and that can make me feel uncomfortable. When that happens, I do balancing work by releasing that old stuck energy stemming from my childhood. I let go of what no longer serves my highest good. I sometimes use a cord-cutting visualization for that.
In doing the self-healing work, I focus on strengthening three chakras:
1) Muladhara (root) chakra - A balanced root chakra helps us to feel like we belong. I do a grounding visualization every day to help me feel rooted to my location and my community. In doing so, I get a sense of belonging, of knowing my place in the universe. I hold my inner child, the little girl who never belonged, and tell her she is safe with me.
2) Manipura (solar plexus) chakra - I boost my self-confidence by saying 'I am enough' and 'I am powerful'. I use color therapy, e.g. my favorite color is yellow, so I try to incorporate it into my everyday life. I also do a solar plexus visualization when I meditate, seeing the manipura chakra as a sunflower with the energy radiating outward like the spirals and petals of a sunflower.
3) Anahata (heart) chakra - I give myself plenty of self-love and self-compassion. I treat myself like I would my own best friend. I tell myself I am perfect just the way I am. I visualize all the beautiful things in this world and breathe them into my heart. When I exhale, I breathe out love to my community, the world, and the universe.
I've come a long way since I first understood why I was feeling such a lack of empowerment. I know that healing is a process and that it doesn't come instantly, so I'm being patient with myself as I continue my journey of self-love.
© Erika Marie McClane and Good Vibes, 2022