​Attracting More Love into Your Life
 
Aloha and Happy February!
 
February is the month of Love, and it's a reminder to us to bring more of that good stuff into our life. 
 
I used to dread Valentine's Day back when I was single. Everywhere I looked, there were images of hearts and happy couples, which made me think I was definitely missing out on the fun. 
 
I was single for almost five years as a mature woman. During that period of my life, after my second divorce, I spent a great deal of time on self-reflection. I went to all kinds of talks, workshops, and courses to help me grow spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.
 
My studies helped me to understand that our thoughts are energy. What we think is actually projected out into the universe, and then, the universe sends us more of that! I came to realize that feeling sorry for myself because I was alone and thinking that I needed someone to complete me was actually projecting an energy of lack out into the universe. This was keeping me from being in a healthy, loving relationship.
 
I became aware that I needed to feel whole on my own, without thinking that something was missing in my life. So, after writing down all the attributes I wanted in a partner, I looked at the list closely and understood that I was the one who had to fulfill those attributes before I could expect anyone else to bring them into my life. For example, if I wanted a kind and conscientious partner, I needed to become kinder and more conscientious myself. If I wanted a healthy partner, I had to work on becoming healthier myself. If I wanted a spiritual partner, I needed to dive into the spiritual path on a deeper level. 
 
There is a lot of truth in the popular saying, "Your vibe attracts your tribe." Once I was aware of that, I charged full-force into loving myself and becoming the kind of person I had so been wishing for. I was kind, compassionate, and patient with myself, something I had never been before. I treated myself just like I would treat a best friend, thinking loving and encouraging thoughts.
 
In time, I started attracting people into my life who shared my way of thinking. Those who wanted to keep me in my old mindset no longer wanted to be around me. I felt like my tribe loved and supported me, and this helped me to grow even more into the best version of myself. 
 
Then, one day, when I wasn't even looking for it, true love crossed my path. I felt a strong heart connection and recognized quickly that the universe was responding to my thoughts and intentions. Here was a man who reflected back to me all the attributes of self-love that I had been growing inside of myself. Happy fourth Valentine's Day to my soulmate, Skip, and me! :)

Aloha,
 
It's the beginning of a new year and a powerful time to set intentions. But before we do that, let's reflect back on 2018 to see what our experiences were, what we learned from them, and what our insights were.
 
Think back to the past year, and write down the major events, milestones, mistakes, and surprises that you experienced. What about relationships, decisions, health, subtractions, and additions in your life? 
 
When I think back on the past year, the one huge event that stands out the most for me was the lava eruption. It impacted us severely, completely turning Skip's and my life upside down. From one moment to the next we went from living in our newly built home and having a financially sound income situation to being evacuees, without any stable source of income, dependent on friends and family.
 
Looking back, I can say one of the most important lessons we learned was that we can live comfortably with very little -- minimalism. During our six months as evacuees, we only had two suitcases and some personal items with us. Everything else was in storage. Another lesson for us was that, despite all the horrible things happening in this world, there are still kind and generous people among us who are willing to help those in need.
 
One insight that came to me, after the lava stopped and things settled down, was that I need to trust more that the universe supports me for my highest good. At the beginning of the eruption, I was traumatized, and I worried about our livelihood. Now, I see that all that worry was for nothing. Things turned out just fine for us. During the first three months, friends and friends of friends helped us out and offered us places to live. Then, later on, our insurance company helped us to pay the rent.
 
Through introspection, we can learn from past experiences. When we acknowledge what was and observe our circumstances dispassionately, we become aware of habits, tendencies, and patterns of behavior that we can change if we want to. 
 
So, having reflected on the past year and analyzed our circumstances, we can learn from past actions, and we can align our new intentions with future actions. 
"True self-analysis is the greatest art of progress." --Paramahansa Yogananda
 
What is it that you want most to either bring into your life or release from your life in the new year? Think about it, and be sure it's not something you should or shouldn't do, but something you truly want.
 
--Erika Marie Rose, January 2019
 

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." --J.K. Rowling
 
What do you call the stage of unconsciousness just before you become aware of the true reality of your personal situation? It's the time when you are still living in a miasma of cultural conditioning, trying to drown out your inner voice that is begging for change. It's the time when it begins to dawn on you that something is terribly wrong with the way you have been living. 
 
Can we call it 'hitting rock bottom'? When do we hit rock bottom? Is it when our partner humiliates and abuses us for the 100th time? Is it when the cops are called to the house for the 10th time because of domestic violence? Is it when we nearly kill ourselves in a car wreck because of drunk driving? Is it when we are so drunk that we stumble and fall into the street and have to scramble on all fours to get to safety? Is it when our partner leaves with the kids after we've promised to get clean from drugs, but we've relapsed for the 10th time? 
 
Getting to rock bottom is different for everyone, yet no matter what the cause, it has the same effect on us. We are taken to a place where we say, No More! No more suffering in the way that we have gotten used to, sometimes for decades. No more allowing drugs, alcohol, and other addictions to numb us so that we can't hear what our inner voice is trying to tell us. No more allowing others to trigger us so that we lash out in anger and frustration. This is serious business. 
 
So, at rock bottom, we know that we can't continue the way we have been living, and we are just beginning to emerge from a space of deep suffering. Often, we blame others for our misery and can't see the role that we, ourselves, have played in the unhealthy relationship or situation. 
 
To realize that our life isn't working, our relationship, or the drugs and alcohol aren't working, takes courage. The question is: How much anguish are we willing to put up with, and how much are we going to let the people around us suffer along with us?
 
Once we remove ourselves from the place of pain, the relationship or situation that has caused us so much suffering, we begin to heal. Once we are in a more stable, healthy space, we can begin to reflect on how we may have contributed to the problem. Maybe we disliked ourselves and attracted someone or people into our life who reflected that back to us by disrespecting and mistreating us. Perhaps we felt that in some way we deserved to be abused. Or maybe we have been masking unhealed childhood trauma with drugs and alcohol and haven't been real and up-front with our spouse and children about what needs to heal.
 
That's when we take the first step and move from rock bottom to awareness. And awareness is an essential part on the road toward healing. Awareness means that we become conscious of our effect on others and their effect on us. Once we become conscious of how we got ourselves into that relationship or situation, we can work on healing that part of ourselves.
 

20/20 Hindsight
 
I've been thinking about self-forgiveness lately, and I asked myself if there was anything I still needed to forgive myself for that I hadn't already. A couple of the usual memories popped up, but after examining them, I found that I no longer suffered guilt or regret because of those experiences. I had, in fact, already forgiven myself. There is a sense of calm, peace, and acceptance in that feeling of self-forgiveness.
 
But, then I went deeper and took the time machine back to my early adulthood, the time between 18-22. It was a time in my life when I was like a candle in the wind, always moving in the direction the wind blew. What was it that my family and society expected of me? I was overwhelmed with trying to live up to everyone's expectations. I wasn't in touch with who I truly was; I was just taking the path that a woman my age was supposed to follow. I come from a traditional family, where my mom didn't work outside the home. My dad was the breadwinner, and my mom was the homemaker. That was the example I grew up with, and that was pretty much what my parents expected me to do, too. Education wasn't a priority since I would end up being a mom and a homemaker anyway.
 
When I think back to those adult years, I feel a sense of remorse and guilt mainly for letting myself down. (For all you young women reading this, PAY ATTENTION HERE!) I didn't listen to my inner voice when it was telling me to finish college first before I became a flight attendant. I didn't listen to my inner voice when it was telling me not to marry so young. As a matter of fact, I drowned out my inner voice because I was afraid I'd miss the opportunity to find a husband (what a traditional thought!). We women have been taught to listen to the man in our life and not our intuition. I didn't listen to my inner voice when it was telling me that he was the wrong man. I didn't listen to my inner voice when it was telling me that if he abused me verbally, mentally and emotionally before we got married, how was it going to be once we tied the knot? I didn't listen to my inner voice when it was telling me not to give up my job and become financially dependent on my husband. I didn't listen to my inner voice when it nudged me to remind me that I was doing everything possible to get myself mired in a very entangled and dependent situation from which it would take years to extricate myself.
 
In hindsight, I can say I wish I had been a stronger person, with more self-confidence, and a clearer sense of self-identity. Then, I wouldn't have felt a need to marry so early, and I would have given myself more time to discover my strengths. 20/20 hindsight is always perfect, and we always know better afterwards, don't we? We berate ourselves for years and years, shaming ourselves for having been so weak and stupid. But we don't have that perfect sight when we are acting in that moment. We are always doing the best we can from the level of consciousness that we're at. Later, when we have grown and changed, we can do better. So, it's unfair to beat ourselves up for something from the past that we regret. 
 
So, yes, there is still something I need to forgive myself for. I feel a strong sense of regret that in my early adulthood, I was not at all in tune with myself. I know that in following my gut instinct, I could have avoided being trapped in a 25-year-long abusive marriage. In my recent introspection, I needed a while to tap into this very old, stuck energy inside of me. I'm not a person who normally dwells on the past, so I had to make a real effort to dig up these regrets of long ago.
 
When I think of it, I play the scene over and over again in my mind, judging myself and declaring myself guilty for not paying attention to my intuition. I am now processing my self-forgiveness and releasing myself from the shame and guilt that keeps the past energy stuck in me. I need to move on and release those negative vibes that do not serve me in any way. 
 
When we release the old, stuck energy of judgement, shame, and regret through self-forgiveness, we free ourselves to become more compassionate, which sends a ripple effect out to everyone in our life.
 
 

There's a Volcano in My Backyard!
 
Fissure 8 has been quiet for more than fifty days now. Since the lava stopped flowing, residents have started moving back to Leilani Estates. Skip and I are among those residents planning to return. We are waiting another final week in Waimea just to be sure Pele, the fire goddess, has really gone back to sleep. 
 
I return to my home with mixed feelings. First of all, I'm are overjoyed at finally being able to go home after what will have been five months of living as a refugee. I've learned to live with just the basics because I have most of my stuff in storage, and I can't really remember what most of that is anyway! I'm so grateful for all the loving kindness and generosity that people have shown us along this journey. 
 
On the other hand, I am a little apprehensive about moving back to a community where living with lava has become the new normal. When I think back to May 4th, when the first lava emerged from a crack in the road, I remember how horrified I was. Being relatively new to the island, I hadn't had any experience of being so close to a lava flow. But, now I'm at peace with not knowing what is going to happen. I know that I only have control over myself.
 
My feelings about living with lava have changed over the course of the past five months after learning how the native Hawaiian people live and deal with active lava flows. I remember reading a story someone posted on Facebook about a Hawaiian family that lives in Kalapana. Back in the '90s, when a lava flow threatened some homes in that area, the family owned two houses next door to each other. The grandmother lived in one, and the rest of the family lived in the other. When the lava flow was close to taking the grandmother's house, she cleaned it for Pele and moved in with her family in the neighboring house. The lava covered the grandmother's house but not the house next door. And to this day, the family lives right next door to the lava flow. This set such a strong example for me, and I have taken it to heart. 
 
I think I'm ready for the 'new normal'.

As day 102 after eruption comes to an end, I take this time to reflect on the amazing journey I have been on for more than three months. I realize how much not being able to live in my own home has changed me over this period of time. 
 
After the lava broke out in Leilani Estates on May 3, we were so lucky to be able to take refuge with several friends and family members. Then, after about 2 1/2 months, our insurance kicked in and started paying rent so we could rent a home. And here we are, still in limbo, still waiting to see what will happen to our home, still waiting to see what the lava will do. 
 
For the past week, fissure 8 has calmed down considerably and seems to be taking a break. Or could it be that the lava eruption is ending? Or is it just a lull before the earth opens up, and the lava starts flowing again? USGS says it could be either. There are optimists and pessimists and everything in between. So, we will have to wait and see. 
 
In the meantime, Skip and I have learned to be minimalists. We put most of our stuff in storage and only take our clothes and a few other personal items with us as we go from one temporary home to another.
 
During this time, I've learned is that as long as I have my health, my loving partner, a nice place to sleep and relax, healthy food to eat, and transportation, I can be very happy and enjoy life the present moment. I am not worried about all the material things I've left behind in storage. As a matter of fact, I can hardly remember what is in those boxes and suitcases. True, when I'm cooking, sometimes I remember that my large pot or my wire whisk is still in storage, and I could use it at the moment, but I make do with what is available in the vacation rental.
 
In just these past two months, I learned that health is our greatest wealth. From the end of June to the end of July, I had walking pneumonia. I had a fever for almost four weeks, and I was so incredibly weak. I spent two weeks in bed, with little energy to get up and do basic chores. I am grateful that I am now almost completely back to normal health again. Every day, I'm getting stronger and stronger. I have started walking again, and every other day, I increase the distance a little more. Come September, we will be moving to Waimea, Big Island, for a month to enjoy some clean air for a while, as we wait to see if the lava flow does, indeed, stop completely.
 
So, I'm back to good health again, and my loving partner is there to support me in becoming the best version of myself. We live in a beautiful vacation rental, surrounded by lots of tropical vegetation. At any given time, I can look out into nature, and completely blend in with the present moment. I think about how grateful I am to experience the beauty and joy surrounding me.
 
I honestly believe that if we had not been pushed out of our home and lived as refugees for the past 100+ days, my life would be much different. I now have a depth I didn't have before and a better understanding of the struggles that others have gone through. I would probably not be able to appreciate the simple things as much as I do now. I am, therefore, grateful that I have made this shift as a result of a distressing time in my life.

The Only Limits We Have Are in the Mind
 
Let's say you're on your third try at something (painting a picture, cooking a new dish, pursuing a business endeavor, going on a first date, etc.), and it all goes horribly wrong...AGAIN! What is your typical reaction? Do you get really frustrated and throw your hands up, throw the towel in, and throw the whole idea away? A lot of us do! It's not easy trying to get something going only to have everything fall apart repeatedly. 
 
A very typical reaction is to cast our efforts aside, i.e. "I'm never going to be a great artist, good cook, successful entrepreneur, or in a relationship. I guess that's for other people but not for me." And so, we give up and move on, not realizing how in our mind we are limiting ourselves, clipping our wings, and keeping ourselves small.
 
I am reminded, here, of a story I once heard at a spiritual talk given by former SRF Monk, Tom Kelly. Once there were two men at a lake. One was fishing, and the other was on a walk around the lake. The man who was walking observed that the fisher would catch small and big fish, but he would only put the small fish in his bucket and return the big fish into the lake. After a while, the observer asked the fisherman why he only kept the small fish and threw the big ones back in again. The fisherman replied that he only had a small frying pan, so he couldn't fry the big fish.
 
This is a perfect example of how our mental constructs can limit us in our daily lives and aspirations. Our ego wants to keep us small and feeling unworthy.
 
What if, instead of limiting ourselves to just 'one small frying pan', i.e. giving up on ever being in a relationship or having a business, we take a step back and retreat from the situation. It can be a formal kind of retreat, in which we go to a retreat center, or it can be a mini-retreat at home. For example, we can spend an hour at our home altar chanting, meditating, painting a mandala, and lighting incense. We can totally withdraw from the scene of frustration and go within. This honors our Divine Feminine, or Yin, aspect and puts us in a state where we can just BE, without thinking about all the frustrating problems happening in our life.
 
When we are just BEing, we are limitless and in a state of receiving. This is when we get inspirations. What is it that your inner voice has been telling you to do over and over again? Does it make you feel good to think about it? Does it bring you joy to talk about it? What are you passionate about? What makes your eyes light up? When your inner voice inspires you, you will know it's authentic because it will make you feel excited and good.
 
So, after retreating from the limiting constructs of the mind, we take a step back and move into BEing, holding space in this state of expansiveness for new ideas. And once we have those inspirations, we can begin to take action and move forward, step-by-joyful-step. 
--Erika Marie Rose, 2018

​When we feel that we are at the mercy of life circumstances or others' moods, we can feel powerless and victimized. We may think that life is against us, unpleasant things happen to us, and we have no control over our life. This can make us feel like a victim, giving away the responsibility each one of us has for himself/herself. When we are in the victim state of mind, we expect others to take care of our problems for us, and in doing so, we disempower ourselves.
 
With the disempowering energy of victimhood comes a whole slew of negative feelings and states of mind, such as anger, resentment, blame, criticism, judgement, and guilt. Our sense of self-esteem is low because we are giving others power over us. If we continue through life fostering these low vibrational thoughts and emotions, they can eventually affect our energy body, and in turn our physical body in adverse ways. Some people spend their whole life seeing themselves as victims, attracting one negative, disempowering experience after another.
 
How can we get our self-esteem and personal power back?
 
The first step -- even before acknowledging that we have given away control over our life -- is realizing that we are no longer willing to tolerate circumstances the way they are. Whether we are in an abusive relationship, a dead-end job, or we feel the need to make others happy while ignoring our own needs, at some point we are going to be so fed up with the situation, that we know something has to change. The sense of never, ever wanting to feel this way again is what gives us the impetus to move forward.
 
The second step is to become an observer of the detrimental circumstances. See if you can find patterns. How do the people and situations make you feel? Do you feel powerless? How do you react? Do you resent and blame others? Take a step back and question your beliefs and actions. Try to see the situation realistically, and from that a shift towards healthy growth begins.
 
The third step is to realize what our role has been in these situations and relationships. How did we get ourselves into this mess in the first place? We might realize that through a past, unhealthy view of ourselves, we may well have attracted that unbalanced person, that frustrating job, or that demeaning situation into our life.
 
After completing the first three steps, there is a significant energy shift, away from victimhood and towards personal empowerment. It feels as if a heavy weight has been taken off our shoulders. We are lighter, as we make room for the higher vibrational energy of respecting ourselves and honoring our boundaries.
 
Step four of the self-empowerment process is realizing that each one of us needs to take full responsibility for his/her life. If there is something we no longer want to tolerate, we need to take the reins into our own hands and make that change for ourselves.
 
When we take charge of our life and make decisions for our own highest good, we are acting out of a place of self-love. This brings about an internal shift into a healthier, higher vibration, and we begin to attract healthy, balanced people and situations into our life. When we take responsibility for our decisions, we don't give our power away. We know that we own our life, and we don't see ourselves as victims anymore. We no longer cast blame, feel guilty, or harbor resentment towards others.
 
We all have beautiful gifts to share, and we aren't doing anyone a favor by playing small.